Kathy Jarosz LCSW, "Marriage-Friendly Therapist"
I will help you save your marriage!                                          Phone: (415) 482-9796
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Survival Tips for Couples

If you are struggling from day to day with your partner, here are some tips that may help you until you come to your first appointment.

  1. Realize that whatever you are currently trying to do to solve the issue(s) is not working and consider giving those efforts a break until we can talk.  Sometimes when we are unable to solve a problem, it is best to just recognize that and accept it.  Often there can be a sense of calm when doing that, for now.
  2. Focus on caring for your own needs right now.  If you are tired, get more sleep.  If you are tense, practice relaxing by doing something calming that you enjoy or listening to music or a relaxation tape.  Figure out what you need, and try to give it to yourself.
  3. Talk to a friend or trusted family member.  It is important to share our problems with a safe supportive friend.  In this way you don’t put all the pressure on your partner to hear your feelings and you may get an objective viewpoint from your friend or some feedback that could be helpful.
  4. Think back to a time in your life when you were struggling with a difficult problem.  Give some thought to what that was like, where you were, and really concentrate on the details of what things were like back then and how you felt.  Then recall the steps you took to get yourself through that difficult period in your life.  Write down any insights you have and consider how they may apply to your current situation.
  5. Go back to books, music, art, hobbies, activities that were fulfilling to you in the past.  Revisit those things with an open mind as a way to nurture and soothe yourself.
  6. If you are dealing with a lot of anger spend 20-30 minutes a day writing out your feelings of anger.  Start with a blank page and fill it up with whatever comes.  Time yourself and keep going for a minimum of 20 minutes.  At the end, rip up your notes, brush yourself off and forget about your thoughts, temporarily.  Go about the rest of your day. This exercise has the added benefit of helping to prepare you for therapeutic work.
  7. Prepare for therapy by writing out your goals for the therapy and bring them to the first session.
  8. If you think you are depressed, book a physical exam with your physician to rule out any physical problems that could be causing or exacerbating your depression.

For more information about this topic, please call Kathy at 415-482-9796

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